I hope you are well. Things have been changing very quickly in the city. I have done my part as I believe in the concept of freedom. This you know as we have talked about it before.
My concern is if I do stay in this city what role could I play. Einar seems to believe that I could be a Fool or Trickster in the Crone. I'd like to know your thoughts on this because truly all my actions of
late have been Acolyte influenced. I'm sure this is due to Einar but also because the Dragons of the city are exactly as you said they were.
I value your thoughts as always.
Raoul Drufays
It is a good evening, I agree. Things change all the time, it only
seems to go faster or slower to us because we are so small. The
Dragons should have taught you to watch the big picture. Take wing and
go high, high up and you'll see so much changing, you will not be able
to understand it all. It is wonderful.
Good for you, freedom is important.
Role? Why do you want to play a role? Roles are things for young
acolytes to teach them structure. They aren't a real thing. You do not
want to be a Dragon anymore? I am confused. Why? What does the local
Dragon's have to do with your quest? Explain to me what it is that has
happened? You could become an acolyte f you like, other Dragons have
before, we are closely alike in thought and belief. I just do not see
how this helps your grand plan.
Jeremy,
on behalf of his master Papa Sallow RoseSire,
What it comes down too, is that either the Dragons are drastically misrepresented in Chicago or I've been wrong about them from the start. When I decided to go down the road as a Dragon it was my impression I could choose my own path. Now from what I've been told the Dragons of Chicago find me an embarrassment, they find me uncouth. They claim my decisions for myself reflect badly on them. I explained to them that I alone am responsible for my actions and if they take on the responsibility based on the whispers of others it is not my problem. Yet they still threaten to put me in a box because I simply will not do. They point to lapses in judgement such as bringing the toddler into the gathering. I was honestly trying to find humanity within the Prince but as I found out and I know now there was none. The city as a whole rightly blames Vlad for the child's murder. It wasn't my finger on the trigger, it was his. End of story. Yet the Dragons still point to it as evidence that I don't know how to properly behave myself. They speak down to me when I have risked much to protect this city and they only sit and condemn.
So screw them. I am not theirs to command. If they wish to attempt to hunt me down best of luck to them. I do have allies within the city after all. See, what an improvement that is from when I first arrived here. The point is, I am a Vedma and I am myself and if the Dragons don't see the value in me, they do not deserve me. If I'm not completely house broken, by their standards, that's the way it will always be. I will not change for them or anyone, even if I could. The Dragons want to force me into a mold much like the Invictus. Never.
They claim in order to be a proper Dragon I must cleanse myself of my past completely. They call it "Chasing the Dragon's Tail." Only it is my past, as awful as it was, that guides me and motivates me night by night. I'm proud to have survived what I did and the memory of my Father, Mother, Sister and Brother make up the parts of my soul inside of me. I would not have it any other way. To cleanse myself of my past will be cleansing away part of me.
If I sound bitter, it's because I am. And extremely hurt as well but now I have the truth behind their motivations. With truth comes power. From my observations the Acolytes are even admired for being who they are and do not have their motivations dictated to them. The only grand plan I have is to learn about myself and my Beast and to value each night as if it is my last. To stand up for freedom and the rights of all to determine their own fate. Now that Chicago has finally cast aside their complacency and their pointless Prince I can now stand with Chicago. It makes me proud that many finally do consider me part of the city and they do come to me for help when they need it.
To become a Crone would be to join with the majority of my allies. To be an Acoyle is to be ancient and primal. It is to cast aside whatever silly nonsense the dragons have in their particularly methodical approach to unlife. The Circle of the Crone is more wild, more free, and more uninhibited. That is who I really am. I should have known that from the start. The Circle are inherently outside society and they seem to reject Western philosophy. Where else could a Vedma belong?
Einar is a young Acolyte and perhaps that is why he is so focused on titles or roles. He has been talking about this to me for months and I am finally starting to actually listen.
Raoul Drufays
Well then, some of the things you have said I think require more
thought, others are clearly feelings that come from a place of hurt.
You will need to think about both. I think that the decisions you have
made over the years have always reflected on you and your goal, always
have been focused on the end point. Joining the Crone though, I do not
think you have thought this through.
The Dragons have changed many times since they were first
envisioned and have had to change more and more since coming out into
the public. To my knowledge, each Dragon chooses their own path. But
they must also pay the toll for doing so. The Dragons of Chicago are
not what they were a decade ago, they are more cultured less primal.
More trained and disciplined, less wild and direct. They have changed
with the times and their necessities. Clearly these changes do not mesh
well with you and your own choices.
Choosing to abandon the Dragons is one thing, if that is your
choice I understand it. Even if you do it only in action, keeping to
yourself and your own studies while politically separating yourself, I
understand. I have long been separate from the Greater Circle for much
the same reasons. But the Circle of the Crone is not a place to go to
to overcome the Beast. The Beast and the Acolytes are allies, friends
even, we walk the long Requiem together. You will never overcome the
Beast here, Vlad Dracul recognized this and left us for that very
reason. Chasing the Dragon's Tail is a concept they took from us, and I
warn you, the Circle may ask you to do the exact same thing. Indeed,
you might have to walk that path in order to truly become an Acolyte.
That said, I do not think that whomever explained the process of Chasing
the Tail to you did so fully. It is not about cleansing nor giving up,
but accepting and becoming a part of.
The choice is ultimately yours, I will not turn a soul away from
the Circle. But it is not for everyone and it is not an easy road to
walk. Most who walk it fail. Like the Dragons and the Movement, we
require a great deal of those who wish to walk with us, in return their
are many benefits, many freedoms but always at a cost. I urge you to
consider that you would find the costs within the Circle as high as
those within the Dragon potentially. There is more than two paths
within this wood you need not choose one or the other, whats more you
are Vedma, you can make a road all your own, or ignore all roads and
simply go where you will. Do not let the choices of others be your
guide, you and only you can do that.
Einar is young, true. The Roles are specifically designed for such
as he, they give focus and form to an otherwise dangerous long night.
Good tools, if limited. Still they have their uses and can be great
helps when a person feels lost in the Requiem.
Jeremy,
on behalf of his master Papa Sallow RoseSire,
The Dragons have changed some more, even since my last letter. It seems there is a new policy the prima invicta are implementing which requires written consent to leave their areas. If they do not have this written permission that dragon will be torpored by other dragons and sent to Terre Haute, IN. This refers to areas that have agreed to submit to the prima invicta. A dragons leaving an area like ours, which is in open rebellion, I imagine it would go even worse.
I was a young mortal during the second world war but I haven't forgotten the things which happened then. This is extremely similar to the restrictions placed on certain groups of people reportedly for their own good. Of course it wasn't for their own good, but to get them conveniently all together. I'm not going to be cast into a dragon concentration camp in Indiana just to be reeducated. Now I hate that word which keeps getting tossed in my face. This goes way beyond whether I can face my past or not. I'm a free man and I will stay that way. The dragons don't offer me nearly enough to make up for lack of freedom. The entire world wouldn't be enough for that.
I called an emergency meeting to talk about the new prima invicta policy. I doubt even one of the dragons will show up. They don't respect me or see any value in me. Sadly for them I'm not the simple savage they think me to be. The only ones in this city who seem to understand me or give me credit are from the Circle of the Crone.
I'm certain the costs are high within the Circle. It wouldn't be worth fighting for otherwise. Yet I have more motivation for doing what it takes to qualify to be an Acolyte. I don't see my relationship with the Dragons ever becoming better. While I could withdraw politically from them, how does that help me in my quest for spiritual development? You say in the circle you walk hand and hand with the Beast. I've done that as well, at times, and I've found that I never felt so alive as when he rose up to the surface to meet me. Perhaps the Beast can never be overcome and I've been looking at it the wrong way this whole time. Perhaps it is about finding the equality between man and beast. To strike a balance enough to retain humanity while using the power of the Beast to become strong. Since I came to Chicago a lot has changed for me through various experiences and I no longer see the Beast as my enemy.
I'm willing to Chase the Tail. I can go back to Oradour-sur-Glane in France and face the demons that still lurk there. The city is exactly how the Germans left it all those years ago. It stand as a reminder of the horrors of war for tourist to walk through and take pictures. If any still live who are responsible, I will find them and show them what their callous disregard created. Me, they created, me.
Raoul Drufays
It is a time of change, we are much honored to be alive and aware
for it. It has been a long time since the last great change, and I look
forward to this one just as I did that one. So much to learn, so much
to discover.
You must do as you must do. I'll not tell you one way or the
other. I have advised you, now you make your own decisions. Know that
the Circle will not protect you should the Dragon seek your blood for
leaving them with their teachings. You are responsible for paying your
own debts, as are we all. Beyond that, good luck in whatever choices
you make. Hopefully you make the ones that are right for you.
Jeremy,
on behalf of his master Papa Sallow Rose
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