Night Five

I made mistakes this week.  More than a few actually and looking back I am ashamed to admit them.  Yet I must take them into account in order to learn from them.  Not only that I find it a penitence to write them down.  On that note shall we begin?

My Master, Lord Reynolds, had been charged with the organization of the last gathering.  In keeping with the demand for novelties from the Kindred we rented out a casino.  There was some fuss to start as took a crash course on casino management.  In a moment of foresight Lord Reynolds had recruited Sonny and Isabelle to assist us. 

Without a doubt I can admit they were impressive in their knowledge of the business.  As for myself, I was put in charge of the roulette wheel.  This was a very impressive set-up and having such a job to do give me a good sense of purpose.  Provided I could figure out how to work the thing.  Not to mention determining the various odds of a wining bet in my head.  Just in case I took out my ipod calculator and placed it behind the wheel hoping it wouldn’t be seen.

The door of the casino opened and a small trickle of Kindred entered.  Standing in my designated place I pushed down my nerves in a hope to appear professional.  At first there was some interest in my wheel but no bets placed were placed.  Then wouldn’t you know it?  Along came Jim Beasley smiling and shining as he did and does. 

“Hello Jim.  Tonight is Casino night.”  I said completely pointlessly.  My brain attempted to remind me of my reasonable anger at him.  Soundly I ignored it.  

“Oh really I didn’t realize this was our soirée.”  Jim responded glancing around before turning back to me.  “Listen Adrian I know I’ve been an ass recently.  I’m sorry about that.  I was high, it happens.  To make it up to you I got you a present.”

“A … present.”  No I was not going to get excited about Jim’s silly present.  Even as the mere existence of said present told me so much. 

Taking it hesitantly I saw that it was a tube of ecstasy tablets.  Not that I expected flowers or a box of chocolates but ecstasy was basically free to us.  Thanks to the Prince’s endless generosity.  Still though … Right? … Still?

“Thank you.”  Slowly I pocketed the tablets and tried to sort this new twist out. 

“Find me later.  I have plans for you.”  There was suggestion in his tone.  Topping it off with one of those brilliant smiles and a wink for good measure.  Sunglasses went on and he walked away before turning back and grinning at me once again.     

Once he was out of sight I located my jaw on the floor.  My mind was a jumble of thoughts.  From the ‘you are gorgeous naturally he wants you’ to ‘this is a trick, it has to be a trick.’  Heh, trick … Right, yes I should be accustom to such advances considering my former line of work.  Let’s just say there is a certain mindset when you are walking the street compared to simple existence.  Catch me in the second one and I’m the same as everyone else.

When my first player arrived I was still pulling myself together.  Fortunately he was the patient type.  This was Fynn, a Nosferatu with a particular single claw.  Placing a few bets he won a few and lost even more.  In time he left and I counted the money I made for the house.

My next patron made me stand up straighter to combat any nerves.  Yet when Alder Vladimir Ivanovich spoke his thick Russian accent was full of good humour.  Earlier I had been honoured to receive an unexplained missive from him.  To what end had been the one of the past week’s mystery.  Thankfully Alder Ivanovich was not one to mince words and I was quickly clued in.  Beside him stood a beautiful woman, the Viscountess Olden.  My instructions were to speak to her concerning the Invitcus.  One mystery solved and another one begun. 

Upon seeing the Alder at my table, Lord Reynolds stopped by.  Informing me another could operate roulette when I wished to speak to the Viscountess.  As the night went on that proved to be an elusive wish.  Seeing Alder cast a bet and politely I asked if the Viscountess wished to join in.  My offer was turned down but Ivanovich had a good answer.

“Whatever money I get will be hers anyway.”

Grinning I spun the wheel but unfortunately lady luck was elusive.  As they took their leave I thank the Alder for his consideration.  Turning slightly he gave a nod of his head.  Relieved I watched them go feeling it had gone well.   

Not long after that Fynn returned stating there wasn’t much else happening.  Truthfully I had to agree.  There were scattered Kindred here and there but not the crowd expected.  From where I stood I could see Sonny busy with it all but where was Lord Reynolds?  Shaking things up Fynn started placing some odd bets and sadly I needed my calculator.  If there was a disciplines around doing complicated Math in ones head I was making it a priority.

As expected Jim returned fairly quickly to my side and placed a bet.  My adventures with the roulette wheel continued when the ball became stuck.  In order to keep things moving I bumped the wheel and it landed on red 5.  Which was an unintentional winning gamble for Fynn.

“Did you really just do that?”  A scandalized Jim asked with those gorgeous brown eyes wide. 

“No…”  I responded wincing.

Trying to cover my tracks I asked Fynn if he would like me to re-roll.  Naturally he didn’t as he had just won and Jim had lost.  Since Fynn had won in multiple ways, red and odd numbers and placing on 5, I needed my calculator.  My attempts at being discreet were predictably not respected.  

“Say what’s that?”  Mr. Not-at-all-innocent asked innocently.

“It’s a uh calculator … no in fact it’s not even here!”  I said flustered and hid my phone behind my back.

Jim and Fynn exchanged shocked looks and then looked back at me.

“You know if I see it I’m going to ask about it.”

Are you really Mr. Beasley?  Does everyone get this scrutinizing treatment or am I just the lucky one?  Pretending it was still possible to dig myself out I asked if they wanted to place another bet.  Declining Jim backed away as if I was dangerous instead of just an awful roulette dealer.  The whole thing was too chancy for his tastes.

“Taking a chance is part of the fun.”  Teasingly I called after him as he walked away. 

Grinning Jim told us of his plans to clean them out at poker.  Finishing with a reminder of his intent for us to meet up later.  Only when he was out of my line of sight did I turn back to Fynn.  With an unearthly patience he had silently watched all of this.  Making me wonder just what was happening behind those eyes.  

Speaking of watchful, silent types, Reverend Jim was back.  Reportedly he was working security and was restraining from gambling for Lent.  You could say his profession was divinely inspired so quintessential he was. 

Perhaps out of pity Fynn placed a few more bets.  Winning me some more money for the house.  Eventually he left to also join the poker game.  Looking around I attempted to locate Lord Reynolds.  Wanting to dump this miserable job on someone else.  Right then the perfect scapegoat walked through the doors by the name of Mika.               

Oddly she had brought a ghoul with her for no apparent reason.  Being cute she is allowed her indulgences.  Spying me she grinned and rushed to me.  Opening my arms I gathered her up and swept her off her feet in a huge hug.  My little darling as they say. 

The ghoul’s name was Pauly and handily he knew a thing about roulette.  Perfect!  Looking around Mika asked where our Master was.  Being this was his gathering he should be obviously present.  It took me a few minutes to locate him under the dim lights standing near the bar.  Vaguely I hoped Sonny and Isabelle were being reimbursed for their hard work.

Another squeeze and Mika and Pauly were behind the roulette table and I was free.  Right then, what should I do?  Putting business before pleasure I set out to find the Viscountess.  Only when I found her she was abrupt and firm with my eager self before I could say a thing. 

“I know you are around.  When I am ready to talk to you, I will find you.” 

Obediently I bowed and moved away.  Yet I know how these things tended to go.  Nicely I could wait all night to never meet with her and have the blame fall on me.  That was something to look forward to I supposed.  Blowing out my cheeks I leaned against a wall near the entrance.  The Invictus certainly didn’t make it easy but perhaps there was a point in that.

Following the natural order of the universe Jim Beasley walked by.  Smiling I asked if he had cleaned them out at poker.  No it had been quite the opposite in fact.  Taking off his sunglasses he looked around to see if anyone was watching.  Deciding they were not he lowered his voice to ask me to step outside with him.  Guilelessly I followed after him to either be seduced or murdered.  Perhaps both which would be pretty awesome really.

The former turned out to be the case but not in the way I expected.  Using a winning combination of charm, flattery and his mere existence he laid out a plan.  This upcoming Wednesday he was hosting a party and he wanted me to come.  Better yet he wanted me to perform.  Dance if you will, without my clothes.  It could be done in such a way to create homage to the whole Daeva existence.  Oh and Mika could join in as we were all sleek and slim.  The Prince and everyone else would be there and it would get me noticed.

No shit it would get me noticed.  Just was that really the way I wanted them to note me?  Responding to the hesitation in my face, Jim said that he could also strip on stage.  With Mika even but being so hairy it wouldn’t be as aesthetically pleasing.  Besides Mika and I matched each other so well and I could do things to her.  Things?

“I’m not stupid.  I know girls aren’t your first choice but boy’s aren’t my first choice either however …”  Cue his eyes roaming over me in a soul melting sort of way as he steps closer.  “You are so pretty Adrian.” 

To make sure I heard he repeated himself.  Being endlessly witty I could only stand there agog.  All the blood in my body was suddenly redirected into my pants.  Predictably my brain ceased any higher functioning.  Yes I would do it.  Of course I would do it.  Just please keep looking at me like that.  Touch me; I want to touch you.

I am sad to report that didn’t happen.  Being on a roll and knowing he had me hooked, Jim kept on going.

*cough* Penetration *cough*

“Exactly how far do you expect this to go?”  Wiping out my dick in front of higher-ups was humiliating enough but that added another dimension.

Watching him grin I briefly considered asking Jim to come on stage with me.  Just the two of us would have been a spectacle for the ages.  Of course I knew he would undoubtedly turn me down.  Just on the possible chance of acceptance, the thought of Mika quieted me.  Truth be told I wanted them both.  This was such an excellent excuse after all.  She did consider me her brother as laid back as I was.  That could be gotten around easily enough I would think.    My attraction has always depended on the person.  And not what was in their pants.  Though I do know my way around both possibilities. 

“Think on it.  If you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.”

These were Jim’s parting words.  Used in combination with his expression gave me every reason to consider them literal.  Only more than just my back would be scratched.  For a moment I just listened to the roaring in my head.  Yes I had not misheard.  Jim was offering me sex in exchange for social suicide.  Sadly this realization did not stop me from seriously considering it. 

You know why?  I am so desperately lonely.  When desperation hits logic ceases to be any sort of factor.  Justification reaches heights previously unimagined.  Somehow I got it mixed up in my head that Jim was offering me a relationship.

Clearly he saw more than someone who would degrade himself in public in a hope to gain respect.  As notions go that was exceptionally absurd.  Yet once it took root in my head it refused to leave.

Understand the same as everyone else I crave sex.  I will dip my wick every chance that I get.   Just without connection everything ends at the orgasm.  There is a stubborn part of me that still believes in love.  Another part just hopes to find someone who tolerates my dirty socks on the floor.

Slightly disoriented I wondered back into the casino.  My first stop was hitting up the Viscountess only to be shooed away.  Fine I would deal with that later.  It was time to do a little conniving manipulation myself.  Seeing Mika across the room I beckoned her over.  Nicely she came all smiles and delight. 

Together we sat up on a counter.  As gently as I could told her that we had been commissioned for a show.  This was exciting news despite not knowing who Jim Beasley was.  Inwardly wincing I stopped her celebration by revealing the true nature of the show.  My need to please Jim overrode my natural inclination to protect her.  For a fantasy I rejected my reality. 

At first she hated the whole idea.  There was absolutely no way she would do such a thing.  Didn’t it make sense to ask Katana or another who lacked moral compass? 

“You are so much better looking than Katana or any of the others.”  I said simply meaning it completely.  There is something delightful about Mika that I enjoy.  From the way she dresses to the way she giggles and snuggles up to me.  As I’ve said before I consider the whole person.

“Oh really?  Really?” 

Just like that her mind began to accept the possibility.  As if sensing things were not quite proper Lord Reynolds interrupted us.  In her hesitating drifting way Mika informed him of just how improper.  Taken aback Lord Reynolds was surprised and then angry.

“He’s targeting both my student and my staff.  Frankly I find that insulting.”

Seeing Jim in the crowd Lord Reynolds stormed over to him dragging Mika and I behind. Giving me the feeling of being a naughty child who needed to be taught a lesson.  While he let Beasley have it I did nothing but make ‘I’m sorry’ faces behind my Lord’s back.  Forgetting somehow that Reynolds was trying to protect me.

Strongly I was advised to absolutely not do it.  For Mika perhaps it was fine as she was a free spirit.  In my case I was under the shroud and should behave myself.  This whole exchange left me feeling disjointed.  Inside my head I knew right from wrong but on the outside there was only lust and possibility. 

“Aw you told Daddy?”

No I was quick to tell Jim it was Mika.  Never would I want to cause him any awkwardness.  By ‘him’ I mean Jim and you don’t know how hard I’m kicking myself right now. 

During the whole course of this Roger Lafferty arrived on scene.  Strange to think in a few days time I was going to be stripping in front of him.  One could see that as an intimate sort of activity.  So somehow, despite evidence to the contrary, this made us buds.  When he greeted me in passing, I returned the greeting.  Throwing in a shoulder punch just for good measure. 

“Did you just punch me in the shoulder?”  Venom, there was venom in his voice and in his stance.

“Uh … that was just a I think you are so very awesome … tap.”

After a beat of doom Roger warned me strongly to never do it again.  Without any effort I had dug the chasm between Mr. Lafferty and I even deeper.  No matter how I try I just can’t win with him.  Perhaps it is my Invictus connection or he might just be annoyed with me.  Until I determine the cause of his aversion I’m doomed to keep repeating it.   

Sitting down with Jim I listened to him lay out more plans for my fall from grace.  Truly his enthusiasm was infectious but I was starting to feel uneasy.  Self-preservation was a tiny voice but had not been squashed completely.  Just as Jim excused himself again Roger walked over and took his chair. 

Inwardly I was being torn apart.  My only wish was for a kind ear to work through it all with.  Despite his position Roger was not that ear.  Watching his cold empty expression only isolated me more.  Indeed Roger knew of Jim’s plans and not only did he approve he looked forward to it.   The way he said it didn’t sound like a compliment in the least.  More like an echoing glee in anticipation of my downfall.

Clearly I am not the best at disguising my feelings.  While I was busy trying to get Mr. Lafferty to give a shit Reverend Jim stopped by.  Concerned he asked if I was okay, as I seemed agitated.  Schoolyard instinct kicked in and I responded that I was fine.  Not quite believing me I was told to find him if I needed to talk.  For once I was happy for the Catholic Church and that is a first.

Watching all it with a frozen smile Roger didn’t say a word.  To the point I was beginning to feel uncomfortable.  Trying to make conversation I said the best thing about stripping was the mystery.  The audience could be kept on edge by not showing it all.  Contradictory, Roger said that blatant was preferred.  Disregarding any and all artistry. 

Realizing this was one brick wall I would never get through I excused myself.  Walking outside I came across the Viscountess once more.  Only she was deep in conversation and her bodyguard was formidable.  Determined to succeed in this at least I attempted to get her attention while he stared me down. 

“I am only letting the Viscountess know that I am available at her convenience.”

“Nicely said.”  The response was positive but it came with much glowering in my general direction.

Edging away I felt my heart in my throat.  My uncertainty was overwhelming and there was nowhere to turn.  Throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the street had possibilities.  Only by chance I came across a Kindred who caused me pause.  In the crowd he stood out effortlessly.  Looking back I think it was because he seemed kind.  Kindness was in radically short supply in Chicago.

Later I was to learn this was Prince Essex of DeKalb.  Even before I knew who he was his concern was how to properly address me.  To his knowledge those under the shroud had earned the title of Master.  So showing me the proper respect he called me Master Merloy.  Now that was … nice to hear yet strange considering my low opinion of me.

We parted ways leaving me feeling in turns gratified and disgusted with myself.  Reverend Jim was lingering near the doorway.  Remembering his offer for console I called him over.  We found a private spot and I unburdened myself the best I could without revealing anything.   Metaphors were flying fast and free.  It came down to my wanting to seem more than just a sex object.  The good reverend’s advice was to weigh the pros and cons.  If such a degrading act would help me in the end then it might be worth it this once.  Still if I truly did not want to do it I should not.  There were other ways to gain a name in the city.

Needing a drink I headed to the bar.  A certain Franklin Morningway was giving away shots and I accepted a few of my own.  There was a cute barfly with short black hair sitting there by the name of Irene I believe.  Being a fan of accents I enjoyed hers but couldn’t quite place it.  Trading stories it seems hers was similar to mine.  As an aside I wonder how many working girls and boys fall victim every night?  Are embraced on a whim?  How many manage to make their way into Kindred society from there?  Not many I imagine unless I give myself to much credit.

A strange character stopped by dressed in the manner of a goth Mad Hatter.  In admiration more than anything I told him as much.  Clearly I interpreted him wrong as he turned on me as if insulted.  Surrendering I stepped back and watched him stroke Irene like a poodle. 

Mr. Morningway observed all this and asked about my place in the city.  When I told him I was studying with Lord Reynolds he was surprised. 

“Even just under the shroud you should be asking for more respect from people.” 

On this particular night any such confidence was not immediately forthcoming.  Proving my point Roger stopped by and spoke cagily of finding a new Chicago harpy for the recently vacated spot.  In an effort to protect my sensitive nature I asked only timidly whom he supported.  Then of course, of course! I only got that smile of his in return.  Although I will say there was more amusement in it now.  

Telling him he could keep his secrets I turned away.  To which he responded that he was for Daeva above all.  Strange as somehow or other I wasn’t included in that.  Across the Casino floor I spied the Viscountess Olden standing for the first time by herself.  Finally!  Smiling I walked respectfully up to her only to have her roll her eyes in response.

“I told you before.  When I’m ready to talk to you I will find you.”

“I’m only letting you know I’m available for you.”   

“Yet you have come up to me repeatedly all night long.” 

The scolding annoyance in her voice was becoming all too familiar.  Not just from her or even on this singular night.  Enough was enough for the love of it all. 

“I only wish to do as I am told.”  I said firmly looking her in the eye.  Refusing to be shuffled away again.  It was getting to the point of now or never.

We meant each other’s gaze and after that moment she decided to see to me.  Making sure to be clear that she had nothing better to do.  Nicely we sat and she broke it down for me.  The Invictus had a real problem with one so young as I going under the shroud.  It was her charge to figure the situation out and deal with it accordingly. 

Now this was worrying news.  Naturally I questioned if I was due to be kicked out.  The answer that came back was murky of course.  At first she thought Lord Reynolds was my sire and I had to correct her.  We settled for ‘adoptive’ sire just for clarification purposes.  As if summoned Lord Reynolds appeared with Mika tittering after him. 

Once again the Viscountess explained the Invictus’s position on my infancy.  In his calm cool manner my Lord argued on my behalf.  Saying that Marquee Evengii had proclaimed me to be Invictus.  Oh yes I did remember that moment very well.   Apparently his word was gold as the Viscountess agreed it changed a few things.  She would have to check into the matter further and let us know.

Seeing Mika by Reynolds side Viscountess Olden asked what role she played.  Gracefully Lord Reynolds replied the Mika was his secretary.  Now the Viscountess believed that exactly as much as I did.  As if it was perfectly plausible Reynolds pushed on saying that possibly in 60 or 70 years he might take her under the shroud as well. 

As we conversed out of the corner of my eye I spied Seneschal Marten Flagg and remembered an employment ad I had seen.  Formally I requested permission to depart from Lord Reynolds and it was granted.  Turning to the Viscountess I thanked her for her time exactly when she began to talk.  This elicited an annoyed groan causing me to wince but I kept going. 

Fairly easily I was able to pull Mr. Flagg aside.  Chuckling he remarked that he heard I had been revealing far too much.  For a moment I didn’t know if he was referring to my planned strip tease or to another matter.  Once again it was my youth that was so unusual.  Logically every Kindred had been so young once.  It seemed as time moved on they just forgot.

Writing in his trademark book Mr. Flagg pointed out my Invictus status and asked my opinion on it.  Like Mr. Lafferty he was Carthian but unlike the Daeva Priscus he had a more open view.  Telling me he viewed the Invictus as a good place for a young Kindred to be.  Surprising me in a good way and relaxing me a bit more.

 After that I got to the point.  Being vigilant I had noticed an ad for some employment opportunities within the city.  I was mainly interested in the security position.  Clearly I’m not the biggest guy in the world but I do have some fighting skills.  The type of survival you learn on the street of the practical variety.  Being on a security team would help communicate that to others.

For his part Mr. Flagg agreed that I could be a valuable part of the team.  He could see that I was social and charismatic and presumably would work well in a group. 

With that done Seneschal Flagg’s tone changed from complimentary to contemptuous.  Not regarding me but directed at Lord Reynolds.  Apparently he was not pleased at the way my Master had conducted himself during tonight’s gathering.  Truly I didn’t know enough to choose a side.  Going on Mr. Flagg said he didn’t even see Lord Reynolds as a Daeva really.  I’m not sure how big of an insult that was but it didn’t sound to good.   

Even so my spirits were beginning to rise with the positive interactions.  Going back into the casino once more I inevitably came across Mr. Beasley.  Seeing me approach he slapped on his sunglasses and announced he had people to meet, places to be.  At this point I wasn’t having it so I directly asked him for his ear.

This caught his interest and he took the sunglasses off to grin at me. 

“Only my ear?  What about the rest of me?”

Attempting not to blush I sat down at a table with him.  Asking him directly just what he meant by the whole back scratching thing. 

“Oh come on now Adrian!”  Jim said as if it was all too obvious for words.

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Oh you want to have dinner first?”

The question was so funny and ironic to me on so many different levels that I just burst out laughing.  Realizing that I had not laughed like that for months and months.  At that point in time where Jim went I would happily follow.  Yes happy is how I felt around him.  Even if it was fleeting it was still happiness.

Quickly enough he took his leave once more but he had charmed me again, damn him.  Looking up I saw Mika frantically gesturing at me across the room.  Moving swiftly I headed over to her side by the DJ booth. 

“They just brought a dead body in here.”  She said holding my arm at both turns scandalized and excited. 

It was almost discomforting that Jim’s presence could make me miss such a thing.  From a distance we watched a crowd surround the body bag.  At that vantage point I couldn’t divine much and after my crazy night that was fine.  Frankly I needed a rest so I just relaxed with Mika and her anime music.  Around her I can feel comfortable and uncomplicated and sometimes that’s nice.

The night had been trying for everyone it seemed.  In hushed tones Mika told me Jude Elliot had lost his position as Harpy in DeKalb.  This was bad news for our little family of three because Lord Elliot had been Lord Reynolds’s liege.  So his ineptitude reflected badly on us.  However on the up and up there was also an opportunity to shine.  

Speaking of shining Prince Grace came into view and she was very welcome sight.  For the night she had chosen an eye-catching black and white chequered dress.  Seeing that she was free Lord Reynolds went up to her to ask about the position of Harpy in DeKalb.  First off she praised the gathering and said she would be thrilled if he ever wanted to do another one.

That was good news for all of us.  Perhaps it was magnetism but suddenly I was drawn into her space and we were hugging.  Just how did that happen?  Hardly mattered because it was so nice, so wonderful to hold her so close.  The whole thing was a perfect balm for a soul weary night.

Sadly I couldn’t hug her forever so eventually I let go.  When I stepped back Lord Reynolds was back pushing his advantage.  The Prince listened shrewdly, nodding at him.

“We need to find a way that we can all be happy.  So we can all be awesome together.” 

That didn’t sound like the most sterling endorsement but Lord Reynolds took it well nonetheless.  Confidentially telling Mika and I that it was his plan to become Harpy of DeKalb and then of Chicago.  Stating that he intended to use the position in DeKalb to become Harpy here at home.  Interesting plan but at least he had a plan.  Which was more than some gave him credit for.

In one last hurrah Jim attempted again to convince Lord Reynolds to allow us our disgrace.  This would make us established and prominent in people’s minds that matter.  In the wrong assumption he decided that Reynolds feared for Mika’s safety.  Going with it as a selling point he nodded over at me.

“Look at him!  He doesn’t even like girls.”

That was just lovely of Jim to out me to my Master without my permission.  Saving me the trouble of doing it myself.  Only he was quite wrong and even if he was right, it was completely and utterly rude.  Just how did I look that made him believe that?  When Lord Reynolds looked at me I only rolled my eyes.  Not wanting to get into it.  Only wanting to get home and think about just what I was going to do.  Part of me wanted Lord Reynolds to outright forbid me but it seemed he was allowing me my own mistakes. 

So yes I thought about it over the next couple of days.  An unfortunately large part of me was my romantic optimistic side.  Another part saw things more as they really were.  Just to make sure I sent Jim a letter informing him I was not his employee and did not wish to be treated as such.  To be cute I ended it with an off colour joke.  Although clever it bothered me out of concern for Jim’s feelings.

So it was with caution that I showed up to Jim’s Daeva party.  For how well it all went it seemed my biggest mistake was waking up that night at all.  To sum it all up, I was affronted first by Jim’s disregard and then by Roger’s disdain.  Somehow my broken heart combined itself with my anger. 

This is the sort of thing that makes people climb bell towers with an AK-47.  As there wasn’t any of either around, I just threw a fit in the alleyway instead.  Undoubtedly it was childish and humiliating yet it was the catalyst that saved me.  No, not only myself but Mika as well.  There was no strip tease that night.

Flattery is reflection of how a person feels about himself.  At the smallest compliment I was another’s for the taking and he nearly took me down.  The problem was that I relied on the opinions of others to see myself.  I had given Jim the right to tell me who I was.  That was a power he never should have had.   I don’t believe it was malicious.  Just taking advantage of what I allowed him too. 

As the party died down Mr. Flagg called me to his side.  Extending a hand when I needed it.  Travelling through Chicago together we talked.  He spoke of Lord Reynolds and his role in the city.  Giving me a plan to relay to him in order to gain the status we required.  At my request he dropped me off at Navy Pier.  In his parting words he told me that I was indeed worthy of respect.  The things he said meant so much to me. 

When I need to think I go back to the place I died.  Four months ago, sitting on the pier near the water, I made the decision to go home with a stranger.  Mr. Flagg was a man I respected and if he saw potential in me I should take it as fact.  A man is only as good as he views himself.  If I was worthy of respect I should start first with respecting myself.